The Infamous
Jalapeno Pepper Incident
A story about Kevin R. McGee and Malcolm S. Townes
As told by Malcolm S. Townes
One summer when Kevin and I were around 9 and 8 years of age, respectively, I visited him and Aunt Jackie for a few weeks during the summer. At the time Aunt Jackie and Kevin lived in Kansas City, Missouri while Jackie was pursuing her law degree. On a Saturday morning, Kevin and I were up fairly early. Kevin asked Aunt Jackie if she would fix us something to eat. Jackie, being exhausted from attending a demanding law school program and being a single mother, said that she would get up in a little bit to fix us something to eat.
While we were waiting, it wasn't that long before Kevin's mischievousness got the better of him. He noticed a jar of Jalapeno peppers on the counter. I didn't know what a Jalapeno pepper was at the time. Kevin turned to me and said, "I know what you can eat, Malcolm." I should have known something was wrong when he said "you" instead of "we." Pointing to the jar of Jalapeno peppers, he said "you can eat one of these." Not recognizing it, I asked Kevin what they were to which he replied with the straightest face "miniature pickles." Well I certainly knew what pickles were. In fact I liked pickles a lot.
So Kevin reached his grubby little hands into the jar, retrieved the largest Jalapeno pepper he could, and offered it to me. Believing that it was a miniature pickle, I took a healthy bite and started eating it. It was then that I noticed the devilish grin on Kevin's face -- kind of like the Grinch from Dr. Seuss' children's book. Just at that moment, the heat from the Jalapeno pepper kicked in and it was like no pain I had ever felt before in my young life. Seeing tears welling up in my eyes, Kevin realized that he'd taken things too far. He started trying to calm me down and began giving me water, which did absolutely nothing for the pain -- in fact it may have made it worse. The only thing that dulled the pain was thoughts of revenge. And the only way I could think of getting revenge was to get Kevin in trouble. So I stopped trying to contain my anguish and began to cry as loudly as I could.
Hearing the ruckus, Aunt Jackie's immediate response to was to yell from her bedroom "Kevin, what the hell did you do now?" When she came out of the bedroom and discerned what had happened, she spanked Kevin and I had a brief taste of sweet revenge. After Aunt Jackie finished doling out the ass whippin', Kevin still had the nerve to turn to me as say "you didn't have to cry, Malcolm."
While we were waiting, it wasn't that long before Kevin's mischievousness got the better of him. He noticed a jar of Jalapeno peppers on the counter. I didn't know what a Jalapeno pepper was at the time. Kevin turned to me and said, "I know what you can eat, Malcolm." I should have known something was wrong when he said "you" instead of "we." Pointing to the jar of Jalapeno peppers, he said "you can eat one of these." Not recognizing it, I asked Kevin what they were to which he replied with the straightest face "miniature pickles." Well I certainly knew what pickles were. In fact I liked pickles a lot.
So Kevin reached his grubby little hands into the jar, retrieved the largest Jalapeno pepper he could, and offered it to me. Believing that it was a miniature pickle, I took a healthy bite and started eating it. It was then that I noticed the devilish grin on Kevin's face -- kind of like the Grinch from Dr. Seuss' children's book. Just at that moment, the heat from the Jalapeno pepper kicked in and it was like no pain I had ever felt before in my young life. Seeing tears welling up in my eyes, Kevin realized that he'd taken things too far. He started trying to calm me down and began giving me water, which did absolutely nothing for the pain -- in fact it may have made it worse. The only thing that dulled the pain was thoughts of revenge. And the only way I could think of getting revenge was to get Kevin in trouble. So I stopped trying to contain my anguish and began to cry as loudly as I could.
Hearing the ruckus, Aunt Jackie's immediate response to was to yell from her bedroom "Kevin, what the hell did you do now?" When she came out of the bedroom and discerned what had happened, she spanked Kevin and I had a brief taste of sweet revenge. After Aunt Jackie finished doling out the ass whippin', Kevin still had the nerve to turn to me as say "you didn't have to cry, Malcolm."
